


Don't Judge a Book by Its Author

by mtwin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e22 Lucifer Rising, Fix-It, Gen, Not Beta Read, Season/Series 15, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23541739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtwin/pseuds/mtwin
Summary: Chuck's back at his typewriter and if the boys want to avoid his brother-kill-brother ending, they'll need to know the ins and outs of Chuck's other stories- namely, the Supernatural series. While Sam is reluctantly reading one of the more painful books, he discovers a voicemail he never received and a voicemail Dean never sent. He goes to Dean for some answers and a very old hurt finally gets some comfort.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 95





	Don't Judge a Book by Its Author

**Author's Note:**

> Shelter-in-place turned me into an author. We truly live in strange times.  
> I feel like, with all the old villains and conflicts returning, this is the perfect time to deal with that darn voicemail. *updated on Aug. 17, 2020  
> Hope you enjoy!

The Winchesters can't afford to leave any stone unturned in their search for a way to stop Chuck but, honestly, at this point it feels like they're grasping at straws. It's probably only because they are so desperate that Sam (reluctantly) decides that it would be useful to read the _Supernatural_ book series.

When the books arrive, Dean disappears to do research of his own, but Sam knows it's really because Dean would 'rather fight two wendigos with a pen knife and a head cold than read Chuck's melodrama soap opera romance novel load of crap' as he so eloquently put it when Sam first suggested the idea.

Sam can't blame him. If he wasn't so dedicated to research, he'd put this off too. But their best (maybe only) weapon against Chuck right now is knowledge. The more they know about Chuck's "writing style" the better chance they have of predicting his next move and avoiding his favorite ending. So Sam makes a pile in the library and gets to work. He reads quickly, highlights important information, crosses out whole pages (why did Dean's encounter with a waitress have to be in here?!), and types up notes on his laptop like it was any other case. After a book or two, he begins to think going through the series won't be too bad.

Until he goes through the pile and his eyes land on a book with " _Lucifer Rising_ " printed across the top in dramatic lettering. He doesn't need to read the back to know what's in it. He wants to put the book aside (he wants to _burn_ it) but he also remembers this was a moment when they came very close to Chuck's favorite ending and if any book might give them useful clues, it's this one. Sam tells himself he can be detached. That he can focus on finding patterns or common themes and not think about the actual content. He tries to remember that this is in the past and that he and Dean have come a long way from that night.

But as Sam opens the book, he can't help but mentally brace himself to read the moment where Dean gives up on him and makes the call: when Sam officially changed from 'brother' to 'monster' in Dean's eyes.

He swallows a lump in his throat when the book has a 'flashback section' to the brutal fight in the hotel. He can hardly believe how far gone he was back then. Did he really lash out at Dean like that? Old feelings of guilt and shame bubble up to the surface. Chuck's over dramatic description makes it even worse and Sam feels like getting up right now to find Dean and apologize. He reads some more and even though he isn't necessarily surprised, he winces at Dean's angry and despondent tirade to Bobby about Sam's betrayal. If he didn't already know where the story was going, his mood might have been buoyed by Bobby's signature tough-love style of pep talk about family. However, before Dean can reply to Bobby or (more likely) call Sam to leave that awful message, the book says he's suddenly zapped into the angel green room. And then, when the Dean in the book finally does pull out his phone, Sam can hardly believe the words on the page.

"… _I shouldn't have said what I said. You know, I'm not dad. We're brothers. You know, we're family. And, uh… no matter how bad it gets, that will never change… Sammy, I'm sorry."_

What?

He subconsciously brings the book closer, completely forgetting about the research aspect of his task and totally caught up with the words on the page.  
This isn't right. Dean must have changed his mind or… or something. Made another call.

The book describes Dean pacing the room and becoming agitated when he realizes there's no way out. Sam then reads where Zach shows up and reveals Heaven's grand plans like an arrogant Bond villain (one of Chuck's favorite troupes, it seems). And Dean is sarcastic and angry, and he argues with the angels every chance he gets. But the whole time he's there, he goes back to the same thing- "I want to see my brother."

Sam reads furiously ahead, forcing himself to keep going when the book gets to his ugly part in the story that night. Even all the self-deprecating thoughts that clamor for attention as he reads the buildup to his greatest mistake get shoved down as he focuses on finding what he's looking for. He gets to the abandoned building and the nurse, his hesitation and Ruby's insistence. He finds the part where he checks his phone, and even after all this time _"blood sucking freak"_ echoes loud and clear in his head.

But where did it come from?

Sam spends a few stunned minutes frantically flipping back and forth between the two sections of the book (damaging the pages in the process) trying to find the origin of the message he received. But it's just not there.

There are two possible explanations. Either Chuck has a gaping hole in his story or… or Dean never sent that message.

Dean's been halfheartedly going through logbooks, checking the inventory for any possible weapons to use against Chuck, even though the chances of having something that powerful tucked away, unnoticed, are pretty slim. It's mostly a handy excuse to avoid going through the 'Winchester Gospels' (living through it once was enough, thank you very much). He registers the sound of rapid footsteps a few moments before Sam appears at the door. He was prepared to complain about the dust then suggest they take a break for dinner when he gets a look at Sam's face. Dean's feet come down off the table with a solid thud as he snaps to attention.

But before he can ask any questions, Sam blurts out, "What was the message you sent me before I went with Ruby to kill Lilith?" Dean was expecting something a little more _current_ like 'Chuck's on his way to kill us' or 'the kitchen is on fire' so he's thrown for a loop by the seemingly random question about something that happened a lifetime ago. "What? Message-? What are you talking about?" Sam shoves the book he was clutching into Dean's hands. "There are two different voicemails in this book. Everything's been accurate up till now, but he could have changed things, and I need to know which is real."

That last part hits Dean with all the subtlety of a lightning bolt. Sam asking him "what's real?" is a tried and true way to throw Dean's big brother instincts into overdrive. He gives the book a hurried examination and his worry gets cranked up a notch when he reads the title. He should have known these stupid books would bring the past back to bite them. "Ok, alright," Dean tries to calm himself (and Sam) down and get a hold of the situation, "I need some specifics here, Sam. What message or messages are you talking about?" Sam's hands are clenched in tight fists in an effort to keep still and reply evenly. "After I left with Ruby that last time, before I broke the last seal, did you call me? And leave a voicemail? Because I need to know what you said. And I need the truth, Dean."

Dean has to think for a moment. That particular stretch of memory lane is not one of his favorites but he's pretty sure he knows what phone call Sam's talking about. "Well… I think… yeah, I think I did try calling you, but I guess the call never got through to you. I got zapped from Bobby's place to the angel green room, a while after our big fight." He doesn't want to think about the altercation any more than he has to, so he quickly moves on to the rest of the story, "Bobby had talked some sense into me and I had some time to think and… well I apologized about what I'd said at the hotel- it was out of line. I mean, I was still mad about everything else, and I said that too, but I also said I still wanted to work things out," he blows out a breath, feeling more self-conscious saying it to Sam's face than into a phone, "I said, you know, we were still family and that nothing would change that." He expects Sam to blush or nod or something but it seems that Sam is too busy reading Dean's expressions to make any of his own. "Sam, what's this about? What did this," he shakes the book, "say happened?"

"Are you sure?" Sam demands instead of answering. "You're sure that was the only message you sent me? What about right after our fight or even just before you got to the church?"

" _Yes_ Sam. I'm sure that was it. One big fat apology with a side of humble pie. Now tell me, what's going on." Instead of answering (again) Sam turns and starts pacing the room.

Dean's about to demand an answer when he glances at the book still in his hands. There are a few damaged pages that aren't laying right, sticking out from the rest of the book. Going with his gut, he opens it where the pages are messed up. Automatically, Dean's eyes catch his own name among the writing.

"… _voicemail from Dean."_ It reads. " _Sam hesitates for just a moment before finally bringing his phone to his ear..._ " Then, " _Dean's loud voice is unmistakable even laced with contempt. 'Listen to me you blood sucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you. Well I'm giving you fair warning; I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam, a vampire. You're not you anymore. And there's no going back._ "

It's like all the air has left the room and the floor has disappeared out from under him all at once. "The hell? Sam, what's this other message in here?" Dean hasn't felt this kind of foreboding since, well since Sam ran off to kill Lilith all those years ago.

Sam has stopped pacing in favor of leaning on the table. It would be an improvement; except he's gripping the edge like he wants to throw it and is barely restraining himself. "I heard your- _that_ message, right before I went ahead with my plan to kill Lilith," he says in a hollow voice, "At the time, I was having second thoughts. I needed to- to drain a possessed nurse to have enough power and- I didn't want to do it." Sam sighs, and there's an awful lot of regret in that one breath. "I had hoped, you know, maybe there was another way you and I could stop Lilith, together. But after hearing… that… well I figured I had no choice but to commit. There was 'no going back' after all." He pauses, seemingly lost in thought for a moment, before he suddenly shakes himself a bit, tries to stand a bit straighter and not grip the table so hard. "But it doesn't matter," he dismisses, the patented Winchester _I'm fine_ mentality at full strength _._ "Because you never said that, any of it."

Dean isn't fooled. This issue has been left festering for years and he _knows_ this is a bigger deal than Sam wants to admit. He can feel it in his bones. He steps closer, determined not to let this opportunity to fix something with his brother go so easily. "You're right, I didn't say those things _._ But at the time… you didn't know it. And that? _That_ does matter." Dean argues. "I mean, dude, it's obvious that until about an hour ago you believed the message came from me. And you've never said anything, never called me out on it."

Sam sighs again and slouches back onto the table. "From my point of view, it seemed like you'd changed your mind, so I just… tried my best to keep my head down and fix what I broke. To earn back your trust if I could. Even when things got better, I never saw the point of bringing it up."

Something about Sam's explanation doesn't sit right with Dean. _Never saw the point!?_

Admittedly, they've said some pretty terrible stuff to each other, threatened each other, and dang near killed each other on a number of occasions, but that was almost always with some outside influence pulling the strings, something else to blame. And whether they were influenced or not, when they hurt each other significantly, they still apologize, either with words or simple actions.

Sam, for _years_ , has thought the voice in that message (the message calling him a monster, disowning him as a brother, threatening his life) had been pure Dean. And sure, Dean obviously didn't follow through on that threat, but why would he? They needed all hands-on deck back then and Sam needed the chance to clean up the mess he made, and, in the end, Sam paid for his mistakes tenfold by dragging Lucifer down with him to the Cage. All valid reasons for Dean not to make good on his threat, but of course none of those reasons directly implied 'Dean doesn't think Sam is a monster.' All Sam knew was that Dean- not possessed, cursed, or otherwise influenced- said he wasn't human anymore and never took it back.

Dean thinks about Sam sacrificing himself to jump in the Cage, thinks of his manic ramblings about being unclean and about being purified through the Trials, thinks of Sam's perpetual discomfort at the word freak. He thinks of all the abuse Sam's taken, from enemies and friends, that he never gave back.

"You didn't just believe it was from me, did you? You believed what it said too," Dean says in a low voice, "You didn't bring it up because you weren't gonna argue against it." It's a truly horrible thought. When Sam doesn't deny it, just hides behind his hair, Dean reaches out and turns Sam towards him, grabbing him by both shoulders. He feels overwhelmed with the magnitude of this realization- like all the progress they've made to be better and stronger brothers is in jeopardy if this issue can't be resolved. A little desperation leaks into his voice at the thought. "Listen to me. You are not, and you never have been, anything less than human, anything less than my brother, in my eyes. Understand? I'm not going to pretend things have been 100% great between us 100% of the time, especially back then. I dropped the ball, Sam, and I will apologize for that as long as you need me to." "Dean, we both-" Sam tries to interrupt but Dean overrides him. "No, I _am_ sorry. I'm sorry we ever got to a place where you could believe that message was from me. If I was half the brother you deserved, you should have spotted it as a fake a mile away," Dean says. "That message was a _lie_. I hate that you believed something like that for so long, but I swear it's just not true." He's holding Sam's gaze, desperately willing him to believe him, but he can tell something's still holding him back. And then it hits him, "It's not that I've changed my mind since then, Sammy, it's that I never believed it in the first place."

A little light that Dean hadn't realized was gone returns to Sam's eyes. Dean gives in to his instincts and pulls Sam in for a tight hug, "If you can believe some voicemail a lifetime ago then believe me now," he says into Sam's ear, "You're _not_ a monster. And you never were."

And Sam, clutching to his big brother just as tightly, finally _finally_ believes him.

_End_


End file.
